Tantrum Personalities.

Dammit and I love stand-up comedy.  We recently purchased a Kevin Hart one hour comedy special on DVD, called Seriously Funny.  During his hour, Kevin Hart talks a lot about his kids (this is one reason why I like him so much... he can talk and laugh about his kids in a way that other parents sometimes think and laugh to themselves about their own kids... he's kind of got the balls to say what some parents don't... like, wow, is my kid really doing that? and what does that say for their intelligence??? lol).  He mentions his son's tantrums.  The boy stands with his feet apart, one hand kind of behind him, but visible.  The other arm waving up and down in a defensive motion, and making a noise that reminds me a lot of the noise Dammit made while describing a dying deer to me (wuhaaaaaaaaaah, wuhaaaaaaaaaaaah... something like that hahaha).

So this morning, Thing Number Two is prancing around in her black, gray, and pink zebra print dress (complete with giant pink heart-shaped rhinestone on the belt and ruffles everywhere), white lacy socks, and black patent leather shoes... just doing her Diva Thang.  I notice her chewing and sucking on something, so when she walks by, I catch her real quick and get a button out of her mouth.  Just a random button.  Well.... she was... infuriated.  And because we watched the Kevin Hart special, my mind automatically recorded her every movement, and I swear I saw it all in slow-mo.  She threw her body forward, and her arms backward... like a skier on a jump. Her face scrunched up and her mouth opened wide, and out comes the eardrum-piercing Diva Cry. It goes something like this:

"AhhEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

Once it was over, I couldn't help but laugh.  Thing Number Two has a crazy tantrum personality, just like Kevin Hart's son.  And it fits perfectly with her real personality.  She's a Drama Queen, with a capital D and a capital Q, and she throws a fit like a Drama Queen would.  So I tell Dammit (who is sick and pitiful on the chair, wrapped in a blanket and looking like Death just texted him and told him to meet him outside), "Watch her, watch how she throws her fits."  My plan was to just show her the button and hope for a Tantrum Reaction, but I didn't even have to do that.  It was like she knew I wanted her to do it again, and the simple act of me talking about it reignited her fury, so she did it again.  And it was still hilarious.  We both got a good laugh out of it, and then I loved on her and apologized for teasing her, and she tried to pull my fingernails off (they're painted a dark purple this week, and long nails intrigue her).

Then, I thought about my son.  Thing Number One's Tantrum Personality has evolved with his age.  I'm assuming most Tantrum Personalities do that, but there are probably those 30-something year old women who still fall on the floor in a fit when they don't get their way. 

When Thing Number One was a baby, he had a trait that he (and Thing Number Two) inherited directly from me.  We are all breath-holders.  When we cry, we have that open-mouth, red cheek, watery eyed face that seems frozen in time because no sound comes out.  And that's because there is no air going in.  My medical chart at my pediatrician's office when I was a kid said BREATH HOLDER, and they rolled in an oxygen cart when I received injections.  Thing Number One is the same way.  When he was about 8 or 9 months old, he was crying about something, held his breath, and proceeded to pass out.  My dad was holding him up, Lion King Style, but facing him (instead of all the various animals of the African wild), hollering at him to wake up.  Within a few seconds, the limpness of his body went away, his eyes opened, and he looked like he was recovering from heavy anesthesia.  Funny afterward, but scary as hell when it happens.  He still makes that terrible, pre-pass-out face, but he doesn't hold his breath anymore.  He started something new, about a year ago.

He SHRIEKS.  This awful, make-your-ears-bleed screech that makes me want to throw myself from a moving vehicle.  And I don't know if this goes for all 4 year old boys, but this kid is strong.  Getting him to move six inches when he doesn't want to is like trying to wrestle an ox.  So when we're in public, and he decides it's time to throw a fit, it is nearly impossible for 5 foot 0 inch tall, 120 pound me to move him anywhere (like the car, so I can drive away as fast as possible).  And unlike his sister, who is ALWAYS in diva mode, his Tantrum Personality is completely opposite of his real personality.

But with the observation, we picked out names for our lovely little Things' Tantrum Personalities.

Thing Number One was once The Blackout Personality (aka the Coma, the Nap, or the Do You Think Mama Wet Herself??), but has evolved into the Immobile Banshee Personality.

Thing Number Two has Queen Snow Bunny Personality.  Luckily, she's still small enough that we can distract her with something shiny and the earsplitting whine shuts off instantly.